He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
