Just cropdusted the office
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
