i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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