Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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