oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
