Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
