Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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