i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
