I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
