the condom got lost in my hair
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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