We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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