Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
