You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
