i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
