Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
