Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
