I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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