His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
