Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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