Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
