your room smells of hookers.
And success
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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