what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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