We named our party play list daddy issues
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize