Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
