omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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