u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
