one might say we're banned from that church
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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