My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
