This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
