Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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