i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
