We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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