New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
