She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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