i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
