When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
