he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
