If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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