Non-Jews are for practice
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
