Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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