Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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