break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
