Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
