she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
