so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize