apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
