I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
