its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I want to make a zoo with you.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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