dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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