if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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