i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
