I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Holy sore nipples Batman
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
