He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
