Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
