20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
