I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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