well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
