So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
