According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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