saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
