i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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