Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
