Who did Billy Mays play for?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
