I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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